The Center for the Identification
of Architectural Micro-Aggressions,
Molestations, and Assailments
matter how large your drawing-room may be, keep it intimate in spirit. There
should be a dozen conversation centers in a large room.There should be one or
more sofas, with comfortable chairs pulled up beside them. No one chair should
be isolated, for some bashful person who doesn’t talk well anyway is sure to
take the most remote chair and make herself miserable. I have seen a shy young
woman completely changed because she happened to sit upon a certain deep
cushion sofa of rose-colored damask. Whether it was the rose color, or the
enforced relaxation the sofa induced, or the proximity of some very charming
people in comfortable chairs beside her, or all of these things – I don’t know!
But she found herself. She found herself gay and happy and unafraid. I am sure
her personality flowered from that hour on. If she had been left to herself she
would have taken a stiff chair in a far corner, and she would have been
miserable and self-conscious. I believe most firmly in the magic power of
The House in Good Taste - Elsie de Wolfe
Need a house whisperer? Tired of the same-ole Feng Shui charlatans? Please consider C.I.A.MAMA - a fully-licensed design consultancy concerning the identification of architectural micro-aggressions, molestations, and assailments; those little
domestic faux pas
that developed along the way, that have gone overlooked, or were simply shoved under the rug. My concern will flesh out and identify a list of problem areas, and at the end of my residency make suggestions for solutions to these nasty transgressions. I will administer to you, dear homeowner, recommendation of an outline of forward-looking occupation, heightened awareness, and everyday tools for advanced living. Typically the process culminates with a half-day workshop in the client’s home.
How Does it Work?
The identification process is assisted by an uncanny sensitivity to problematic domestic situations through a number of proprietary techniques, key among them is a process I call the
“insecurity of dislocation.”
Over the past 30 years of my professional life I have been invited to hundreds of residencies, and have lived, for short periods of time, in many different types of domestic structures...from humble, hand-made sheds to extraordinary châteaux. Typically, during the first few days of dislocation, in this state of heightened awareness, I am ultra sensitive to my physical surroundings. I am able to identify
, both of the spatial and chattel categories.
For example, your favorite comfy chair may be situated as such, encroaching upon a preferred thruway, and if adjusted as recommended, will provide improved traffic flow to you and your guests. Often a refrigerator door, with the simple operation of switching the hinge location, will open up to your kitchen triangle in a more excellent manner! Possibly, your faithful architect has specified a handsome, yet dysfunctional handle upon the cupboard, that places an ever-so-slight undue pressure on the inserted fingers. You may not even notice these micro-aggressions, but I will! The identification and correction of these simple design flaws will fall into the category of
Small, or Medium.
A more involved operation, such as the total rearrangement of furniture within a room, removal or addition of walls, or possibly the relocation of a staircase would be under the
category. Only upon very rare occasions would I identify the need for major structural changes, such as the addition of a wing, or possibly a relocation / reconstruction of a primary egress, although this is definitely within my purview. Rethinking key architectural elements may seem to be an exaggeration of the Department of Micro-Aggressions, but please be reassured that it is not the size of the project, but the effect they have upon our psyche. These we will call
Gentle reader, let me now say to you...the effects of an unordered house may seem insignificant, but I am confident to inform you that these repeated domestic molestations will in time, add up to adverse affects in our pursuit of a civilized home!